21st March 2013

The Definition of Success

In life, success is that one thing that effortlessly pushes people to work hard, this is true no matter how much you deny it. There’s nothing wrong with it, as long as you’re not stepping on anyone and as long as you’re achieving it the right way. You do everything possible to work your way up there.

What are the perks of being successful anyway? Let’s see. You can have everything you want (referring to material things), you instantly have more friends, pathetic people would agree with whatever you say, confidential things become accessible, your beliefs inspire other people,  and you, more often than not, have a say on anything.

Now, what are the effects of being successful? Your priorities and way of thinking change, your every move is judged, you become a public figure, you see people as someone less than you, as compared to how you perceive them years back, you feel more sure of yourself, you think you are always right, you think that the opinion of others’ is wrong had they been not exactly like yours,  you lose your old self, and you crave for  more success, more than anyone else.

Of course, all of these refer to UNEDUCATED SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE.

Educated doesn’t mean a person who has graduated with a degree or a person who is FAR MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE than anyone else. Educated is when you know how to respect others’ opinion, it’s when you are mature enough to handle properly the twists of life, when you question the morality of what you do and then eventually go for what is right rather that what it is that you want, when you know the right time to speak and with it what to speak about, when you know how to work and deal with others, when you know how to adapt with the different personalities of people without losing who you really are, when you realize that success doesn’t and will never define you as a person,when you know how to consider your achievements as just plain achievements and they will not affect you as a person, and when it strikes you that material things don’t really matter, instead it is the quality of relationships that you’ve built with your family and friends and the mark you have created in this world that counts. You can’t bring your precious trophies and medals to your grave, these ephemeral things won’t even last, but your legacy will, and this is what matters. 

Success to uneducated people is most likely the death of them. They won’t see success as a group effort but perhaps their own blood and sweat alone. It doesn’t mean being the winner nor being praised by the majority. Success is when you’ve finally done what should have been done and when you can proudly say that you did it with all your best. It doesn’t matter if it’s not the best because it doesn’t have STANDARDS. That’s the common mistake. Once you say that you are not successful because someone else’s job is better or when you’re work is not good because someone else’s looks nicer, it only shows how narrow-minded you are. Success, as I have said, is when you did your best, i mean really your best, when the people you’ve worked with appreciated you and your presence, when you’ve imparted something inspiring with everyone around you, when you’ve shared every bit of your skills to the ones who need them, when you’ve learned a lot from your mistakes, and finally,  when you are personally satisfied by your performance. Remember, it’s not how you placed in the race that defines your victory, it’s how you made it and who you shared it with until the finish line that makes the moment triumphant. 

Sometimes we forget these essential lessons because we are too preoccupied learning the unimportant ones. They always say life is short, that life is unfair, that life is crazy, etc etc etc. But you know, life is simply what you make out of it. It’s short probably because you’ve wasted so much of your time, it’s unfair perhaps because you’ve drowned yourself with insecurities and rejections, it’s crazy maybe because you’re an awesome person. This goes for success as well. It is not based on your long list of awards nor by any material things. Success is simply how you’ve managed to stay standing despite all the challenges life has brought you and how you’ve dealt with everyone you’ve been with that defines you. 

26th February 2013

Things I Wonder

I wonder why two people of different sex, who call each other bestfriends, have a 99% chance of falling for each other and be the last two people to realize it. I wonder if they really didn’t know about that possibility perhaps because of the crazy things they’ve been experiencing in life or maybe they just didn’t want to confront the idea because they’re so afraid to make a mistake and lose their friendship in an instant.

I wonder why single people make a drama of their status well in fact they can enjoy their lives just as much as the people in a relationship. I wonder what holds them back from being ultimately happy and what pushes them to think that way.

I wonder what goes in to the heads of the haughty people. Where do they get the confidence to brag about themselves, especially those who have nothing to boast about? How do they see people more successful than them? This goes the same with the people who are prideful. Why do they see themselves as higher entities of the social structure? What do they think sets them apart from people who are of the same level?

I wonder why most of the people don’t like to be confronted with the truth but also don’t want to be confronted with a lie? Why do they always prefer the middle choice and yet long for the extremes? Like these “white lies”. I don’t even know why they have to color it white. No matter how you put it, a lie is a lie, no color can change that. And when confronted with the painful truth, people would more or less react by replying, “Why are you telling me this?”, “Why are you doing this to me?” or “I wish you didn’t tell me about this.”  But when they are not informed with the truth they say, “You should’ve told me the truth.” It’s weird. Why can’t people be more open to honesty and be stronger to accept the truth?

I wonder what it’s like to be a hot gorgeous and witty A-List Celebrity. Everything seems to be within reach. I wonder how it feels to get freebies and get paid for posting a photo of you using that product. Do these same people wish they could’ve just had private life and a normal 8-5pm job? Would they trade everything they have right now to get the life they’ve always wanted? (Lucky for those who’ve been living the life they’ve always dreamed of.)

I wonder if Adam and Eve felt love at first sight when they met. How did they know they were for each other? Or if they didn’t really love each other, can they be the first couple to have an ARRANGED MARRIAGE? If they were the only people on Earth, where did Cain and Abel, their sons, met their wives? (I don’t know if this is in the bible, I’m not that smart when it comes to bible characters. If this has been mentioned in the holy book, please do tell me. Thanks!)

I wonder how the world would be like had it been lived and structured as described in Plato’s Ideal State. Would everything really be ideal? Or maybe it will be like what we’re living now. See, it seems ideal because it sounds better than what we have right now. But what if we scrap what we have right now and imagine that we belong to the Ideal State. We can’t compare it to anything. So how can it be ideal if it’s the only thing that exists? The reason that maybe it is described as Ideal is because Plato reconstructed what they have back then. And so if we think about it, there will be another “Ideal” had the first “Ideal” been lived.

I love wondering about things in life. This list will go on and on and on and so I have to stop. Maybe it’s time for us to stop thinking that we know everything and start wondering like when we were 5 years old. Maybe the reason why we feel life is so complicated is because we always think that there are direct answers to our questions. They say every problem has a solution, but I guess not everything can be quantified and weighed, that’s the reason why we make unsure decisions, why we make risks. Had everything been a sure deal we wouldn’t have called life itself a gamble. Try taking 3 steps back and see the world in a lighter perspective. You don’t have to know the answers to your questions to fully comprehend it. You just have to wonder and maybe, just maybe, you’ll understand the true meaning of a WONDERful Life. :)

24th January 2013

The Act of Letting Go

Earlier, I was with my friends and we were talking about relationships. I won’t elaborate things to keep the privacy of my friend but the point that she was to trying make was that it’s hard to stop everything right now for her because she’s afraid to lose it permanently.

After that we had ice cream for dessert, and it’s funny because my friends took a very long time in choosing the flavor. My other friend had finally decided and she was actually holding the ice cream already but she returned it instead and again another session of WHAT-FLAVOR-TO-BUY has begun. I was sure on what to buy, I only buy 1 flavor after all. Finally, after they had decided what to purchase, I thought of buying a different flavor. Then they got mad at me because it took me so long to choose the new flavor and I said that I was just returning the favor  for making me wait twice as long. The question battling in my mind was whether to buy my favorite flavor or to buy this flavor that I never bought in my whole life, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate this flavor it’s just that it’s never worth it for me.

I kept on asking myself why I bought that flavor of ice cream well in fact I never favored that flavor ever. I know to myself why but I was just really blinding myself because I can’t accept that it’s happening. I bought that flavor because I know it’s his favorite flavor. I missed him so much when I was choosing what to buy. Maybe that’s why I bought it. At least even in his favorite ice cream, I was slightly with him. I don’t know if this was just a side-effect of explaining too much to my bestfriend about the whole relationship stuff but it’s really weird. I suddenly changed my mind because of him.

And so I realized before writing this that maybe, we will never get over the things or the feelings we had because they weren’t just memories made, they were experiences surpassed and they were lessons learned. We are always afraid of losing the most precious things to us because they are so special and we can’t afford to give them away even if they are ruining our lives or even if they are not anymore good for us. We keep things the same because we can’t contain to wake up the next day doing a different routine. We can’t let go because we are so worried thinking about how to face tomorrow. But really, isn’t it worse to hold back and not move on with our lives? Is getting stuck in the good old past better than facing a challenging future?

You may say that what I’m talking about right now has entirely no connection with the ice cream flavor, I promise there is. Here it goes. I totally moved on with him. But you know, I moved on, but I didn’t forget. We may not have stayed for a long time or I can probably say that we really didn’t take much of the couple road but before the labeling, we existed as friends. And all that we did together, they are very much of who I am now. I miss doing what we used to do before, I miss laughing with him, I miss talking to him, I miss him.

And if there’s one thing I learned today that I can apply to this situation, it’s that missing someone is not a bad thing. It won’t make you less of a person to miss someone and it’s not a sign of loss either. People are so afraid to miss things because of the mentality that they’ll never get them back. But why not be optimistic and think that maybe the reason why they have to go is because a greater purpose is to come. That maybe we have to miss things so that the next time a treasure knocks at our door, we know how to take care of it, we know how to value it, and more importantly, we know how to love it. Things don’t just go because they aren’t for us anymore, they leave because we have become better individuals and we need something more to keep up with us.

I always say this, “The hardest decisions are the best decisions you’ll ever make.”, and it has never failed me till now. We find doing the right things so difficult as compared to making the sinful ones. They are hard because it requires us to sacrifice the benefits we’re supposed to get but honestly, it’s just a matter of perspective. I got from one of my favorite philosophers, Epicurus, that pleasure is the highest good. But this pleasure has two categories, the short-term happiness and the long-term. Example, you spend a lot everyday and you and your friends planned an expensive date by the end of the week. Say you have a limited amount of money and that you’re the type of person who loves your friends so much, if you remain with your routine that you spend a lot everyday most likely you have nothing to spend by the end of the week anymore, which is considered short-term happiness because your happy with what you spent today but tomorrow you’ll crave to spend more because you think you’d be happier and that goes on and on and by the end of the week you can’t go to your planned expensive date with your friends, which is depressing. Unlike if you save some of your money and spend less everyday so you’d have more money to use on your expensive date with your friends. That is long-term happiness since being with your friends, again you love them so much, is one of the best things in the world. You sacrificed your everyday wants to get a better thing in return. This goes for saving as well, you save your allowance so you can buy something you really want. Clearly, long-term happiness is when you sacrifice things that you love for a more precious cause.

Everyday we deal with these short-term - long-term decisions, we deal with it so often that we don’t feel like thinking about it anymore. But I hope now that it has been elaborated, I hope you’d make better decisions if ever you haven’t done much of the analysis before. Don’t be afraid to do difficult decisions, they have to be done for better things to enter our lives.

It’s sad that all I can do is to miss him, like with the whole ice cream thing, but I am not regretting anything.  I’m literally living my life to the fullest and I’m really enjoying what I have right now.  I chose to see what happened to us as a learning experience and honestly, I do things that make me remember him once in a while to remind myself that he’d been a part of my life. Just that. No bitterness, only learning and realizations. :)

6th December 2012

Love and Hate

People always say that there’s a thin line between love and hate. But really, how thin can it be?

I’ve always believed that everything is characterized by opposites, thanks to one of the philosophers I like, Heraclitus. Cold won’t exist had there been no hot, nor would fat had there been no thin. This is also the reason why I don’t believe in World Peace. Not that I love war or bombing. It’s just that how can peace exist if war won’t? How can you characterize something that is white had black’s presence been neglected?

And I think, this line that most people call, is just something to clear the contrasting definitions of love and hate. But how can people distinguish this line?

In a relationship, they say that love is genuine when you sacrifice things that you love for that one person. Again in this dilemma, you have to lose a part of yourself  to say that you’ve gained something more worth it. Losing is a big no to gambling but considering that life is the biggest gamble that exists, how can losing something be beneficial? 

What I am trying to say is that, this thin line thing, I know it’s figurative, but seriously, it makes things more complicated. Distinguishing the differences between any two objects will lead you to something infinite. Simply because nothing in this world will ever be the same.

And this I want to ask, how can you differentiate two things that are simply each other’s definition? And if they are each other’s definition, then they are the same. In this manner we can clearly say that two things defined by each other are of the same thing. Love defines hate, hate defines love. From the conclusion above, love and hate are the same. So how can there be a thin line between the two if they are at the same point? How can people even know the difference? How can they be sure that what they feel is really love or if it’s already hate? Probably this is the reason why they say the quotation, “The more you hate, the more you love.” Because they are the same thing.

I know you’re perhaps asking how can it be possible to love and hate a person at the same time. The quotation I mentioned should not be taken literally. It does not mean that when you hate someone, you love him also. Instead, it gives us the explanation that the moment you hate someone, the love starts as well. Don’t confuse yourself, I am saying that when you hate someone, you invest so much anger that you’re not even aware that love has been growing since day one. Because the moment you’ve allowed hate to spring between the two of you, you have also allowed love. Why? There is a direct relationship between love and hate. And the reason why they say that there is a thin line between the two is because the moment you decide to turn the table and love that person you hate so much, the love automatically rises at the same level.

That’s why they say the more you hate, the more you love. You just need one life-changing moment to see the other side. It’s just like a coin. A coin has two faces, one is the head and the other is the tail. The moment you flip it, chances are it will be either head or tail, we’re talking about equal chances. The more you’re betting on head, unconsciously, you are also betting on tail because technically they both have a probability of 50%, so whatever you do, they have equal chances.

Just like in love and hate, what you bet in hate, you also bet in love and vice versa. This also explains why being hurt by the people we love the most is the worst thing ever. Because the love we’ve given has the same impact as the hate we’re gonna get. That’s why we should choose wisely and carefully who to hate and who to love. Because at the end of the day, we are just talking about the same coin. The same coin that everyone has. 

This now explains the thin line we introduced in the first paragraph. The thin line is therefore that one life-changing moment that can cause the biggest effect in our lives, something so great that it can bring us to the other side. It’s thin in a sense that it’s just one moment that can happen more than once over time probably in just varying intensities but not thin like it’s just a petty one. And why can’t we see it? Because we are so busy looking at the far more complicated things that we think are right well in fact, if we will be more rational we will realize that the reason the line we create between love and hate is so thin is because we are the ones separating the two, because we are the lines. 

15th October 2012

One Great Love

One Great Love.

Three words that have gone through so much experiences. The three words that have done so much sacrifice just to prove that the third word was the greatest of them all. It is the three words anyone can say, anyone can talk about, anyone can write about. But it is also the three words not anyone can feel and have. And so maybe this is why I want to write about it. Because it is something anyone can have but not everyone’s entitled to.

I have read articles from many people experiencing this and it kills me to really know what it feels. I want to feel how it is to do everything, literally everything, for the one you love. That urge to leave everything you have behind and just go for what you think is right without second thinking what you are ought to lose. The guts you’ve gathered to make a stand and prove everyone that you do not care about what they say and that everyone is just a part of the audience and they don’t know and they will never understand what you and your partner have between the two of you.

I want to be in the moment where I will not think of anyone except for my partner and just take everything by storm. I will not mind what’s going to happen day by day just as long as I am with him, I know to myself EVERYTHING is going to be okay. That being okay is not based on what’s happening with me, it’s more on what’s happening with us. I may not be personally okay but just the sight of him turns the table and makes everything a perfect experience again.

The Against-all-odds feeling, I’m dying to have it. I’m not sure if it will last, but I am damn confident I will learn so much from it. Experience is the best teacher and the hardest experience is definitely the best subject in stored for me.

One Great Love does not refer to the longest love affair you’ve ever had. It refers to the relationship you’ve done so much to keep it running, you’ve sacrificed so much of yourself to keep it going, and wherein you’ve died at some point to keep it living. It is that one relationship where all the opposites exist and that you just have to contain all of it to remain standing.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that this love is the last in your list, but it is that one entry in your book that you will never ever forget. Because it defined you and set you apart from the rest of the hopeless romantics in this world. Because you were not hopeless, you were very hopeful for it to last. You did everything for it to last. It might not be the best but it is the greatest. It may be the most painful, but you’ve surely had in it the happiest moment. And it may be the hardest, but it was surely the most well-fought battle you have ever had. Because love IS a battle. You will never know what is going to happen to you in the end but you still give in. You entered the arena alive and kicking without reminding yourself that you will die soon. Because that is the point. What is in the end DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL. Because what you have right now is more than enough for you to realize that whatever happens, you will be okay. Because things have been okay. And it’s just like that. Tomorrow will forever be just tomorrow because the present is so much more important.

And that is the power of a one great love. It changes your view. It brings you to a different paradigm. It makes you a stronger person. And it will take you to a different horizon not everyone is allowed. Because only the hopefuls can be there and only the hopefuls can stand it.

So don’t lose hope. Your ONE GREAT LOVE is just there waiting for you to be ready. :)

25th August 2012

Unedited: Real Score

This is going to be my shortest entry in this blog but I guess it’s the one I mean the most.

I thought you were my friend but with your words I found the easiest way to say goodbye to our friendship. I never doubted, not even for a second, your sincerity when we talk to each other. We may not talk about serious stuff but I assure you that I was serious with my words and I actually thought you were as well.

That’s why what you said shocked me. If you think I was just another jolly person you can talk to anytime just like your other “friends” then surprise. I take friendship seriously even if most of the time I don’t talk about serious shit but I do give a damn about my friends. And you’ve taken your toll with your speech full of wrong grammar. I thought you’d be one of my closest friends because our personalities match so much. But I guess I made a mistake. And this time I can say with full conviction that I learn from my mistakes.

Thank you for showing me that not everyone that has compatible personalities is really compatible, that there are people who have wise ideals but stupid character, and that hypocrites are to stay in this world forever.

You are not just a bad person, you are a traitor.You betrayed me by lying that you were having fun in our conversations while in your head you wanted to punch me. If you don’t like what I’m saying tell it straight to my face instead of flashing a fake smile. You are the worst friend I’ve ever had, yes I really considered you as my friend, and I know you know who you are, so this I’m telling you, I don’t see you as my friend anymore. Thanks for the jokes and fun times. I really had fun in our conversations. But now I know the truth behind the laughter.

The least thing you can do now is to change your awful personality.

I feel sorry for you. You should be guilty right now. I trusted you and you blew it. FAKE!

25th August 2012

Unedited: Truth Be Told

Do you honestly want to know why people treat you that way? Why you feel a little less than you should be? Or why things aren’t going the way you planned them? It’s BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOU ALONE.

You can’t blame everyone for how they’re treating you. Think about it, if everybody’s not treating you seriously and you’ve been ranting about being unappreciated by your “friends” for months, don’t you think it’s you who’s acting wrong? I mean if it’s everybody who does it and not even one’s different then perhaps the blame is on you. In an exam, when a prof gives a very difficult set of questions and everyone complains, it’s very easy to say that the exam is really hard and perhaps impossible to get even half of the total items. But if a student of his scores an average, then it can be concluded that the exam may be hard but can be passed. It’s that one student who’d break the first judgement and eventually gives the right impression. But in your case, if you always say that NONE OF THEM has given you what you deserve, then maybe you should take 3 steps backward and evaluate yourself.Why don’t the people see you the way you see yourself? Is the blame to be on them or on you? That maybe the reason why they aren’t seeing the real you is because you haven’t really shown it to them? That the whole time you’ve been questioning how you’re treated is not for them to answer but for you to realize that all this time, you haven’t been true to yourself.

And in that case, it’s quite unfair in their part because you’ve been judging them from day 1 that you called them friends as to people who don’t really know you. You may say that you didn’t say anything against them, not even a word, but the fact that you questioned how you’re being treated by them is an indirect way of saying that you’re not getting what you think you deserve. For if you’re contended, you wouldn’t ask why you’d just be thankful for it.

I also think that how you stereotyped fun and happy people is wrong. I am very very energetic and cheerful but I can strongly say that I get the respect that I’ve always wanted from my friends even if I’ve known them for just a year. And when I say friends, I really mean it. Not by the definition of being together every single day and experiencing the rough times. For when I say friend, it means we didn’t just spend the hard times together, we survived and learned from it along the way and we’re grateful to have each other. Respect is not for the serious people alone. No matter how gullible or senseless you are, if the people around you feel that you deserve to be respected and taken seriously, they will. And this is not because of what you think of yourself, it’s because of how you’ve been a friend to them.

Certainly, you are one of the people who have high regards on themselves but the truth of the matter is you are one lame person who always notices what’s wrong, figures out how it happened, but never had the courage to step-up and do the right thing to make a change. Things can never be better if you yourself wouldn’t be. You can’t make a good community if you can’t make a good home.

Try to see things from another perspective. Try to see if you’ve been really showing your true skin the whole time you’ve been questioning your stand as to how you’ve been treated. I promise you, if you start to be a little truer to yourself, everything will be better. Cause everything starts in the inside and will eventually show in the outside.

You know sometimes, you think you know everything already, that nobody knows you more than yourself. Let me tell you that in this world full of secrets, the person you know least can be the person who knows you most. Because getting to know the real character of someone doesn’t need a list of info about him/her nor a book of stories about his/her past, it’s easiest to see the whole picture when you’re at a distance from your observation point.

You should also be guilty for asking too much from the people around you. You shouldn’t expect anything in a true relationship such as friendship. Cause if what’s happening between the two of you is real and genuine, you wouldn’t have the guts to ask why he/she’s not being good to you or why he/she’s not giving you the love you deserve. Because your relationship should be UNCONDITIONAL. Not only because he didn’t do an item in your checklist you’d immediately question his intention.

I’ve read these two quotes from a site,

“Sometimes, being true to yourself means changing your mind. Self changes, and you follow.”
― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

“A lot of the conflict you have in your life exists simply because you’re not living in alignment; you’re not be being true to yourself.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

I hope you try to do this. I hope you realize what the mistake is. I hope you’d be true to yourself. I hope you’d be wiser. Because I am your friend. And even if you’ve offended me by your words, I want nothing but a better you. Because seriously, I feel sorry for you.

18th April 2012

Unedited: Words From A Girl In Love

Do you want to know why I like you? It is because you never made me feel that I have to be somebody else in front of you. I don’t have to be something extraordinary for me to make you feel happy.  That by being just the NORMAL me, the me that no one has ever seen, is enough to bring joy to someone like you. I don’t need jokes or punch lines, I don’t have to talk a lot, I don’t have to exert so much effort to impress you or to show you that I am above the rest. You made me feel that I, just being myself, am enough.

And I just want to tell you that I felt this way from the moment you threw out the lamest joke I have ever heard and yet it made me laugh, for the first time, effortlessly. I didn’t feel the urge to laugh, it is like to me, I liked what you said and it made me laugh. From then on, I saw you as someone different, because no one has ever made me feel that way. I have never felt that my entire life until that moment. And I don’t know if it meant something to you but damn I loved that feeling, I loved it so much perhaps the reason why I love you, because you let me see things the different way. You made me appreciate people the way they should be.

I guess this is why you are very special to me. I talk a lot about love and I am definitely good at it, but what you did to me, what you presented to me, it was something that cannot be said, it can only be understood when felt and you made me feel it. I like you because you are lovable the way you are. You are not that good-looking, I don’t know if you’re smart, I don’t care who you were before, I don’t  mind if you have failing grades, I don’t freaking care what you are, all I care about is that I like you because you are you. I don’t even think like is enough, I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU. And if these reasons are not enough, I can give you even a million more reasons why. You are that worth it. You are worth my entire life and a day. You are the one for me. You complete me.

I don’t know if you have the same feelings for me. I also want to tell you that you are the only person who made me run out of words to say. When you asked me that simple question it left me blank. I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know how I was able to get out of that moment. I don’t know if you realized that. You made me feel that there is something more to me than just being funny and witty, that I am a better person.

The last night that we spent together, although we weren’t alone together, you made me feel so special. When you asked me if I knew how to skydive, I wanted to kiss you. And when you asked me why I was pissing you off, I wanted to tell you because I love you. Why the hell are you asking me questions I have never answered? These just make me love you more.

Days ago, I confessed to you that I like you and you didn’t say anything. And I thought I meant something more than just a friend to you. But I guess not. Had I meant something more, you would’ve probably replied of some sort. That confession made me feel like I was the worst girl in this world. You don’t like me. How am I supposed to deal with that?

Just so you know, you are the reason why I believe now that TIME COULD REALLY STOP. That this saying doesn’t mean time literally stops, but instead, that our hearts have clocks of their own, it’s in sync with the real time but it could go beyond reality, it could be stopped, you made mine stop. I clearly remember how that day went. My friend asked me to go with her and I had been ranting the whole week that I don’t see you and I don’t understand why. And then when we were about to leave the building, I saw you approaching and I don’t know what to do. I stood still, held on to the railings which were by the way at the left side and I was like standing at the center. I, unconsciously went to the left side because my world focused on you alone, I didn’t see my surrounding anymore. And while I was reaching for the railings, you were actually at the left side as well. But you didn’t greet me and I didn’t greet you. But I didn’t know this the moment I was in front of you. Because if I were to describe what I saw, you were there standing in front of me, you weren’t looking at me, and we were there standing 2 to 3 inches apart, take note of the word standing. Then suddenly I went back to reality and my friend asked me why we didn’t greet each other. And there I thought to myself that you weren’t standing, I probably was but not you, you were in reality walking and to me you were just standing. The magical feeling exists. It existed when I was with you.

I am not ranting because you don’t like me. I am saying all of this because I think I have to. I have to let this out. I felt so much of the world with you. But it has to stop because now I know that it’s one-sided.

Thank you for everything that you showed and taught me. For making me feel such new things, for opening me to a whole new world of life and love and for making me realize that indeed, fairytale and reality can co-exist. For the last time, I love you.

16th April 2012

First Move

FIRST MOVE.The two words and one action that can make or break one’s heart. It takes a lot of courage for one to do this but it doesn’t necessarily mean that one is sincere. Normally the guys do the first move, although some of the girls of today are not as patient as those like before and they confidently approach the guys and tell them straight to their faces that they like them. It is risky but life is too short to go beating around the bush for them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. It depends on a lot of factors like the maturity of the guy, his open-mindedness, family background, etc. But I like to talk more about the GUY doing the first move because this blog is intended to explore more on that scenario.

Specifically for the girls who like the guy, the first move means so much. It is like the GO SIGNAL that the guy is consistent and serious. The guys may not know but this first move makes the lives of the ladies a little more colorful. It makes them dream of their own fairytale. It takes them to a whole new level of imagination. Because this is how they value what the guys have done.

The moment the guy places his arms over her shoulders, holds her hand, regularly tells her how his day went , asks her if she is okay, looks at her like she is the most beautiful person in this world, offers his shoulder to her, messages her every single night, and so many more, all of these cause one simple lady to lie on her bed, stare at the blank ceiling and wonder if he really likes her or if he is just playing around.

A girl can even think so much to the point that she just wants to ask the guy if he likes her or not. But not all girls can do this. So what they do instead is they drown themselves with the sweet memories they have with the guy and convince themselves that they are just friends.

I know how hard it is. Especially when you see that this guy is different from the rest. He presents to you a very rare characteristic and you fall in love with this. You realize how weird stuff turn out to be interesting when you’re with him, how silly jokes can be so hilarious, how boring activities result to unforgettable ones, how the simple act of sitting in the car can be so perfect when he’s the one sitting beside you, and how a stressful day magically becomes blissful when you talk to him. This unbelievable feeling tugs every girl’s heart to the idea of love. It is delightful but it is mischievous as well.

Sometimes a girl knows that what she has with a guy can lead to a more serious relationship but there are also times when everything is so vague. They enjoy the time they have until the moment turns the table and shows them how they’ve spent so much time together and makes them realize how special they are to each other. These sudden realizations break the ice and trigger the awkwardness.All because of a single action. An action that is cherished if done with utmost sincerity and is cursed if not.

If what the guy did is for real and he is willing to fight for it ‘til the end then I guess nothing is wrong. But if there is a hint of fooling around, then this just kills the girl. Most especially the girl who didn’t ask for anything but friendship and sadly falls for the trap. How she wishes to turn back time and undo the act of accepting his offer to be friends. Because everything could have been a whole lot better without his presence. Of course she does not think anymore of the good things he has shared with her. It all gets down to the fact that he destroyed her private and peaceful life with his existence and his unwanted first move. She just wants to get out of this chaotic world for some time and returns if she’s ready. But apparently, she can’t.

And this just brings both to a wasted friendship. It can be mended but no matter how much you put the shattered pieces together, they just won’t fit the way they used to perfectly. There will always be a gap in every piece. It is a reality of every relationship.

I don’t know why this always happens, but if I were to say my take on this it is that yes, they do a certain action, but it is for you to see it as a friendly thing or a level-up action. From where I am right now, I have learned that in a very deceiving crowd, being invincible works. You can smile every time he becomes sweet, you can let your heart jump when he gives you little surprises, but these should not let you fall in love with him. You may enjoy these romantic things but you should not take it as a hint that he likes you. Until he says his TRUE INTENTION and WHAT HE IS REALLY FEELING FOR YOU, everything’s unsure.

But I also believe that love will always be a gamble. No matter how safely you play it, you will inevitably reach the point where you have to make a major decision.So you just have to blend in with the situation to come up with the most appropriate decision.

I guess we will never be certain when to give in and when to hold back. It perhaps cannot be deciphered because it is part of the trade.  As Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, “It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun.”

8th January 2012

Pushing The Hurt Away

Lying is perhaps the number one choice of those who got their hearts badly broken. We say we’re okay when everything is truly going crazy around us. We say we’re happy when honestly, we are silently crying. We say I’m completely over him when the truth is, we check about them every now and then to see if they’re enjoying their lives. And we say We’re just friends when deeply inside, we want to spend every minute of the day with them and even dream that we’ll be together ‘til all the stars have fallen.

It is not easy to go out and pretend that everything is fine. If there’s an intersection among the hopes of all the couples madly in love, it is at the point where they get to sit beside each other and say “I do” in the sweetest and sincerest manner possible. And when at this point they lose the common denominator, it will probably be the most undefined moment of their lives.

You’d hear their hearts slowly shatter and still flash those killer smiles that they think could fool the people. You’d see their eyes yearning for comfort but hides them by cheering up others in the best way they could. You’d feel the tremble in their body whenever the name is mentioned and funny how they throw a joke to divert the attention of their friends.

We know this because we’ve fallen in love at least once. We’ve shared a part, if not the whole, of ourselves to that one special person we thought we could spend the rest of our lives with. And this is not to be considered a dark stage. Every day we unconsciously let go of something important to us, and this doesn’t make us any less of a person. Instead, it molds us to be better and stronger individuals.

We can’t force ourselves to be happy at an instant. If there’s one thing about happiness that keeps it far away from any other emotions, it can’t be faked, it can’t be bought, and it can’t be forced. It comes from genuine love that can be found not only from a lover, but from the people who offer and give us unconditional love.

So hiding behind the shadow of laughs and tricks is apparently non-sense. We must face the reality that we have to deal with these heart breaking moments. Pushing the pain away won’t clear us from the verifiable truth that we were once in love and now we’re bearing all the tears the laughs have brought us. This is real life. We’re not in a fantasy game wherein we could just click the RESTART BUTTON when we don’t like the things that are happening. We are humans who fall in love, who wants to love, and who wants to be loved. And nothing is wrong with that.

And if I were to say a very personal take on this, it’s that I needed 6 years to realize that love has another definition. That extreme pain can be transformed to super happiness. That I could still fall in love, offering the whole of me, to that one special person. It may not have been an easy process, but I’m pleased to say that I’m through with it, alive and kicking.

To you guys, falling is not something to be afraid of. Let go of your guard and be the happy person you’ve always wanted to be. Be vulnerable. Be prepared to get hurt. ‘Cause love is a ride everyone’s dying for and you’re one lucky bitch to get it for free. :)